I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
