She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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