Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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