Three words: puerto rican gang bang
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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