I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
