yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
