hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
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