so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
