For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
