smell my finger.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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