he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
