her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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