First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
