So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
