her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
