I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Michael Bay diarrhea
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
