Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
