Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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