Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
