apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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