I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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