a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
