when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
