Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
