Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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