My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
