Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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