My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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