Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
