I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
My breasts were aching with rage.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
