I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
