Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
