uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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