Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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