Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
