he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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