i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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