I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
