I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
