So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
