So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
