You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
