LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
