maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
