It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
