Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
