I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Randomize
