So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
