I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
