You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
