After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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