The maid of honor just puked.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
