She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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