theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We just shotgunned beers for America
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
