i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
