Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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